4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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