We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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