My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Randomize
