i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
