Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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