never play flip cup with pint glasses
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
