I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
