with your own penis?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
