I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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