Hey man sorry I got all grabby
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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