And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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