Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I skipped work to stalk him.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
