One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
pray to the hookup gods
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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