I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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