awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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