Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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