Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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