woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Hippo gnu deer
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
