NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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