Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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