We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
