You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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