She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
