People in love make me want to vomit
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize