I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
