And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
please come you make the beer taste better
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
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