he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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