I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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