At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
