He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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