It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
