I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
