Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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