Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
The ass gains better be worth it
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