you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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