When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
