If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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