420 ftw
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
