she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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