He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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