the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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