I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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