so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
