Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
