it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
