So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
