We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
