how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
