my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
