Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
are you so shy because you have an std?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
