Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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