Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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