Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
