Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
