you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
