he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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