hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
