i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Found your dick twin last night
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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