He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
