you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
