Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
