can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
