Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We were destined to go to rehab together
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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