I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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