see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
